If She Did It Podcast: How to build authentic connections in the DMs

[00:00:24] Welcome back to the If She Did It podcast.

[00:00:27] So I am recording this on Monday, November 9th. Today is a really beautiful day because Joe Biden was elected president on Saturday. And I want to take a minute to acknowledge this and speak on this before we dive into this week’s episode, which is a solid podcast. I’m going to be talking to you guys about how to connect with new leads on Instagram, because I’ve been seeing a lot of fucked up ways of doing this recently, and I want to help you guys be better. So before we dive into that, for anyone that heard me say this about Joe Biden and saying that it’s a good day and you don’t agree, I’m sorry.

[00:01:05] I don’t know that this is the space for you to be. My community does not have availability for hate, does not have availability for supporting somebody that is OK with racism, is OK with black people being shot by the cops and murdered by the cops consistently is OK with, you know, just racism and sexism and misogyny and and rape and all that kind of stuff.

[00:01:32] And, you know, for lack of a better way of saying this, politics aside, our current president is not a great man and he is not a leader and he is a child who should not be in charge of this country.

[00:01:49] This was not a typical election of Republican or Democrat. It was very much about  your morals. And although I have love for everybody and I am available for conversation because, you know, thirty five percent of white women did vote for Trump.

[00:02:07] And I am wanting to do better and open people’s eyes to why that shouldn’t have happened. I’m not available for hate or like, again, racism, misogyny, sexism in my community. So, you know, take that as you will. But I felt that it was a very important reason, like a really important thing to bring up really quickly, because I feel safer now, like I feel so calm. I feel like there’s so much more work to be done, but there’s so much potential for this country.

[00:02:41] My faith in this country has been restored and my hope is that we just continue to do better. I have some amazing women of color as clients, as friends, and they mean so much to me. And you know, it’s not their place to educate us.

[00:03:00] It is our place to educate ourselves. And I have a lot to learn. But I just really wanted to make the point that I am not going to stand for hate or bullshit in my community, honestly, and conspiracy theories and ridiculousness.

[00:03:16] So although I have love for everyone, I am here to stand up for everybody else that is tired and needs to take a seat for a minute and just take a breath because they don’t have to worry about four more years of Trump in office, and honestly, as a Jewish woman, I’m glad that I don’t have to worry about four more years with Trump in office.

[00:03:39] So anyway, I don’t want to make this podcast episode entirely about this, but I did think it was important to speak on. I have your full attention right now and I’m taking advantage of it.

[00:03:52] Something that I love about a podcast is that people listen to me and I love being listened to.

[00:03:57] So I wanted to take that opportunity to speak on that. And I mean, I think you guys know that it’s been really important for me over this past year to get more women of color, especially more black women, onto my podcast. I’ve had a couple of conversations on diversity.

[00:04:11] So, yes, it is very, very important to me. And I just wanted to speak on that for a moment and to say that there’s a lot more work to be done. And if anyone has any advice for me or wants to reach out, white woman, especially maybe white women that are doing better than me because again the BIPOC community, they’ve done enough and they get to sit down and take a breather for a moment now.

[00:04:36] So if any of you want to give me suggestions of other things that I can be doing, I’m always open ears. I’m always available for that.

[00:04:44] But anyway, let’s continue onto this week’s episode topic, which I’ve been I have all these ideas of episodes that I want to record and I’ve actually sat down to record probably five different times and I would get maybe 10 minutes in and I would think, you know what? I hate this. I don’t like how this is going and I will just delete it and and try again. So I hope that I like this one because I like what I just spoke on. And I know I can always edit, but I like to kind of just go with the flow and see what comes up and see what gets talked about.

[00:05:13] So anyway, this is a topic that is really, really important to me because I see a lot of people fucking it up, this outreach thing, this connection thing. So, you know, obviously organic marketing is really, really important and really valuable. Like, when we start our business, we don’t really want to spend our money. Because doing ads implies that we already have a really great funnel. It implies that we’re already really good at what we do, the way I see it. And organic marketing is a really great way to start our business and get ourselves on the right foot and start working towards you know, the place where if we want to, we can implement ads, so I built a six figure business off of organic marketing and I know that you can too, but you have to do it the right way. So a couple things off the bat that are not OK. Don’t add somebody on Facebook. And the second that they approve or accept the friend request, you send them a message inviting them into your Facebook group or asking them if they want your services or anything like that, especially on Facebook. People don’t really have the availability for that. They’re not open to that. So your better bet is to go to their Facebook page, find their Instagram and make a connection there. I am going to say that. But the other piece is, no matter what, that’s not how you get clients and that’s not how you build your community.

[00:06:37] And any time that I get a message from somebody and if it’s me, it’s others as well. I know my clients feel the same way I do and I know my friends feel the same way I do. Any time I get a message from somebody and they’re automatically pitching themselves to me or trying to get me to join their Facebook group or sign up for their free, whatever, I if I don’t respond or if I do, it’s a response basically saying, like, you have work to do. If you want to learn how to be better at this, let me know. I’d love to book a session with you because I can help you because it’s just that’s not that’s not what gets you clients.

[00:07:10] Honestly, maybe if you message like two hundred people a day, you’ll maybe convert one, like by the end of the week. But that’s not going to bring you consistency in your business and it’s not going to be a strategy that you can rely on because it’s just not realistic. So how do we do better, you know, before I even actually dive into how do we do better?

[00:07:32] Another thing I want to say, when you go to somebody’s Instagram account and you comment on a post and you especially when you comment on the post and you tag the person who’s posted is in the comment that is so obvious, you desperately want the person to see your comment. And that just kind of screams like, I want to I want you to buy from me. Like, I don’t know what it is about it, but I’m just telling you, that’s what it screams. So whoever is teaching you that stop, like stop. And then the other part is when you then go ahead. So you’ve done the engaging. You’re like, OK, I’m going to message right now and I’m going to tell her that I love this one posts and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I got to start conversation and that’s going to turn to a client. If you don’t fucking follow the person, it’s not going to fucking work. I’m sorry. It’s just the truth. Like, I’m getting so fed up with this. I have gotten at least ten messages in the past two weeks from people who do not follow me and who commented really like obviously like wanting to get my attention comments on my posts, who then sent me a voice, sort of sent me a message we had never connected before, saying that they love my most recent post.

[00:08:41] And they asked a question about it, but they didn’t even fucking follow me.

[00:08:45] Y’all do better. I’m a business coach. This is what I teach, like read the room, right? Like, that’s the other thing we need to be like, really read the room. Some things that you might get away with doesn’t mean you should do it, but something that you still might get away with with like newer entrepreneurs. You’re not going to get away with with the more seasoned entrepreneur because they have these tricks. They know these tricks. So it’s not what you get to a certain level where it’s not about tricking anybody, not that you should ever trick anybody anyway. But it’s not about being like Sly. It’s about being really fucking forward. And you have to start by building a friendship.

[00:09:22] You have to start by building a friendship. Right.

[00:09:26] If you want a quick sale, you go to your actual followers for the quick sale. If you want something that’s going to turn into a quick conversion, you go to your followers. If you want to get a new client that’s totally new, not from your current audience, you need to fucking build a relationship. You can’t just go in there and slide in with that slut comment and think that it’s going to turn into a client. I actually when people do these, send these messages to me, I actually respond to them.

[00:09:51] I tell them that I am very if I receive a message like that and again, if it’s me, it’s other people as well. I know it’s my clients because I teach my clients to look out for these things. Right.

[00:10:03] So if if I get a message like that, I’m really forward. When I when I get it and I say, you know what, like, I don’t want to ignore your message, but I don’t want to respond.

[00:10:11] And here’s why I didn’t want to respond. So if you want to, like, start over and try to have a good conversation, I would love that. But otherwise, I’m not available for this conversation and I’m not looking for your services just just to be up front like from the get go.

[00:10:24] So essentially what you want to do is to be better, like, how do we be better? So no one is I want you to be really, really aware of who your audience is. Who are you targeting if you are a copywriter or virtual assistant or social media manager or designer or anything like that, and you’re targeting business coaches, these strategies aren’t going to fucking work like at all to be complete. It’s like they’re not even as seasoned entrepreneur again, it’s it’s just not really going to work. So I want to be really, really clear in that to to start. Conversations with those people, if you’re if you’re reaching out, if your target audience is a more advanced person, you’re going to want to legitimately become their friend first when I hire people.

[00:11:17] Like when I hire a business coach, I follow them for a long time before I choose to hire them, or else it’s a friend is like, you have to hire this person and they’re going to change your life.

[00:11:25] And anybody else, like a team member or like anybody else, they’re my friend first. Like maybe she was a client. She was when my very first clients and now she’s my VI. I’m just now hiring a social media manager. She’s actually wasn’t a friend first, but she she my best friend referred her to me.

[00:11:52] The two people that I have to get, the two people that I have that do like like Jeff’s and stuff for me. And just like cute graphics, they were past clients and friends. My web designer is a friend, so I keep it really, really close. Not everybody is like this, but I keep it really, really close. So if you want me as a client, you better become my friend first and then we can talk about it. OK, so I’m just using myself as an example. But so let’s talk about this. So how do you do better? Let’s get to the meat and potatoes of this conversation.

[00:12:26] So when you want to connect with somebody that is brand new to your sphere, they don’t follow you, you don’t follow them. But you did your research. You found some people that are your target audience and you want them as clients. What do you do? So the very first thing that you want to do is you want to look at their content, make sure that you really love their energy, comment on like maybe two of their posts, like like two to three of their posts, most recent posts usually. And then you want to hit the follow button like, holy shit, hit the damn follow button, do not message. Do not send a dime to somebody without following them, because if you just comment on a post, do not follow them and then send them a message. It screams, I want your money. Honestly, it really, really does. It screams I want your money. So don’t do that. Just don’t do it.

[00:13:12] So you comment, you like you follow and then what you want to do, you can either send them a personalized message or you can respond to something in their Instagram stories and add a question to it to ensure that a conversation is going to arise. But essentially, I want you to make sure that you’re super genuine.

[00:13:34] You’re starting to build a build a relationship. So we’re not starting a conversation with a stranger that we’ve never connected with before by saying, hey, I absolutely love your feed.

[00:13:45] Your vibe is like, amazing. How long have you been a coach for that’s so fucking obvious what you’re doing. And of course, I want to be really clear again, there’s nothing wrong with with doing this process or I want to be even teaching it in a in a podcast right now. This is a really amazing concept. And the thing is, your dream clients sometimes don’t know to look for you until you find them. They don’t know they need you until you find them. So this is a really valuable strategy. It really, really is.

[00:14:14] But we need to be clear that, like when we go into a conversation, we can’t go into it with dollar signs on our mind because that’s really money driven. And not that it’s bad to be money driven, but in this industry, you need to care about the people that you want to bring into your sphere. So what I mean by that is you need to make sure that these people that you are connecting with, you’re not just thinking about them, as can I turn them into income? Like for me, for example, when I have a conversation with somebody, if they’re not mentoring programs, they’re not coming into one of my programs. I’m going to be straight up with them. Even if I started the conversation with the hope of them being for my program, if I decide that they’re not, I’m not going to still try and convince them that they are like if they’re not meant for me, they’re not meant for me. Right. And that’s OK.

[00:14:58] My dream clients will come bless and release. You have to feel the same way. So you need to go into a conversation not with dollar signs on your mind, but with like I can’t wait to find out what I can do for this person. I can’t wait to find out if this person is meant to become my best friend, is meant to become a business like. Like a collaboration is meant to become like a referral. Maybe this is going to turn into a client, I can’t wait to find out what this person is going to turn into, but I have no expectation off the bat that is how you have to go into a conversation because that energy is going to be received. But if you go into a conversation with only dollar signs on your mind, that energy will also be received and that that vibe is not going to go well for somebody. Right. So you have to go into the conversation. Also, I’m going to pause for one second.

[00:15:45] I keep saying right. And I actually just recently watched a mini like a tick tock video that said that when we say right like that, we don’t sound as professional.

[00:15:55] And I hear it, but also like I love saying that, not because I don’t know what I’m talking about, but because I want to make sure that you’re listening and that you’re like, yeah, I hear what you’re saying. So that was just an interesting side note. But back to the conversation. So what you want to do is you want to make sure that you have this mindset of I can’t wait to see what comes of this. And from that, I have made some amazing friendships. I have got some amazing clients. I’ve had some amazing collaborations.

[00:16:27] The list goes on. So this is how you really become honestly visible and build an authority figure, build yourself as an authority figure, because now you have this this community of people between your clients and these friends you’ve made from doing outreach and all this stuff. So what I want you to do is I want you to send them a really personal message and ask them a really personal question that, like, build a relationship, think about this of like, how can I make a friend today that ultimately can turn into something else?

[00:16:56] Ok, and that’s what I want you to do. And when you go into these but you don’t want to go into them automatically pitching yourself, you don’t want to go into them without fault, like into a dumb conversation without following the person first. And you definitely don’t want to go into this. The D.M. conversation with immediately being like join my friend group or download this freebie like, no, you don’t do this right. You just don’t do it. So I want to be I want I want to be really clear on that. Right. Like this is about this is almost like D.M. Etiquette. And how do you get the best results out of having direct message conversations? Now, I am going to do a little shameless plug right now. I feel like this is the perfect place if you’re listening to all of this, you know, OK, I hear you, Becky, but like, I don’t know what to do now and or like you tell me what to do, but I just don’t know how to implement this. And I don’t even know how to find my dream client and all this kind of stuff. And I’m feeling really lost. You need the app on a business academy, and I really want to have you in this program. So if you join the Abutted Business Academy, the link to the sales pages in the show, notes of this episode in the show and every episode.

[00:17:59] So if you join the business academy from this podcast episode and you sent me a message, once you sign up, I want you to send me a message when you sign up anyway. And you say that you signed up because of this podcast episode and you refer to it, then I’m going to give you a bonus, 30 minute kickoff call with me one on one for us to really map everything out once you first get started in the program to make sure that you get the most out of the program. So I’m going to give that to you. OK, so all you have to do is head to the show notes, learn about the benefits academy, enroll. I know that if you’re feeling lost and this is like dumbfounding to you, this program will totally transform your business. I have clients that leave this program. They start with no business. They leave with making over ten thousand dollars in their business. So there’s a lot of possibility here for you. So go learn about it and join. And I cannot wait to see you on the inside. It’s going to change your fucking life. But anyway, back to this conversation. So I want you guys I want to challenge you guys to go try this, try to do it the better way and go out there and start maybe like five new conversations today and see how it goes.

[00:19:07] And I would love for you to report back to me. And I would love to hear how this episode spoke to you. Did it speak to you? And again, if you want to learn more about Paul, about direct messaging and about just like organic marketing and getting consistent clients join the business academy, it will transform your life. But I think that this is a really good place to kind of close things off because I’ve talked to you through what not to do. I’ve talked to you through what to do. It gets to be a really simple process and not just about implementing. So I really love doing Siliceous. I want to start doing more of them for you guys. So if there’s a specific topic you want me to speak on, Semion on Instagram, my Instagram handle is just Becky Feygin and let me know what you want me to talk about and I would love to. You could also reach out to the podcast Instagram if she did it podcast on Instagram. I’ll check those as well. And the last little pointer I’m going to say is when you reach out to new followers, because you should be starting conversations with every new follower that you get. Make sure to check who they are before you reach out. I’ve been getting a lot of messages. Just as an example. I might if she did a podcast, Instagram, try to have conversations with me.

[00:20:14] But it’s a podcast, Instagram, like that’s not a place to be having conversations to, like, get to know people to be completely honest, like go to my personal account for that. It’s linked in the bio of that Instagram. Like, just just make sure that you’re really processing who you’re connecting with before you connect. And, you know, for example, the A podcast, Instagram follows me. I don’t really message them unless I want to, like, pitch myself to them. But anyway, that was just like a final little point. So I hope that you enjoy this episode. I’m feeling starving. So I’m going to go make some coffee and eat something.

[00:20:48] Please leave a review. It would mean the world to me, the more reviews this podcast gets, the more ears that this podcast can get into and the more lives that I get to change. And that would mean the world to me. So, again, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I can not wait to hear what you guys thought, and I can’t wait for you guys to report back after you start implementing this.

[00:21:11] And last little thing today is that this episode is going live on a Wednesday. And today, this evening, my BFF Courtney and I are doing our amazing free masterclass uplevel your launch masterclass. And if you want access to this master class, the link is going to be in the show notes to sign up for this master class. It is happening tonight. So it is like your last chance to make to join it and to get in on it.

[00:21:36] It’s a fucking amazing master class is going to blow your mind. It’s going to help you totally up-level your launches in your business. So go get that. Go sign up for that before it’s too late and have an amazing, amazing week.

[00:21:49] You guys, I hope to see you next week on the If She Did It podcast.

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